March 29, 2013

Apologizing For Ourselves

Between reading Lean In (which is great so far and I can't wait to finish it and review it), and my journey with dating, I have been thinking a lot about women apologizing for ourselves. 

For many women, this means apologizing for their awesomeness (or undermining the awesomeness). For me, this is apologizing for parts of my personality. I am self described as high strung. I am always moving (either just being on the go, or my brain moving all the time). In my work life, this is great. I am really productive and can get a lot done when I set my mind to something. In my dating life (which is a smidge non existent right now), this isn't good. For obvious reasons, no one wants to date someone who they perceive as high strung and who they think can't relax. I used to apologize for this part of me and try to hide it (in dating) whenever possible aka I was trying to hide my crazy :). I did this in my most recent dating venture and almost beat myself up for not 'relaxing more' or for not being calm enough. 

But then, I got to thinking more about it. The fact that I am high strung is just one part of my personality and who I am. It does not define me. Also, it is helpful in most other aspects of my life. So WHY do I have to hide or be embarrassed about this quality of myself. Yea I am high strung, but I am also a lot of other things that makes me a good person. I am so sick of feeling like I am wrong for who I am. If someone doesn't want to date me because of a perception that I can't relax or am just doing too much, they can't handle me and I shouldn't be with them anyway. This also goes back to my idea of the whole picture. I have discussed this with dating in general. My 'high strungness' is just one part of me and just a piece of the picture, but I am proud of that whole picture, even if a corner of it isn't always the best. 

For other women, this may be some other quality of themselves. I would charge you to be proud of every part of you and embrace your inner crazy, we all have a lil' bit in us. :) 

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